Obesity. Diabetes. High blood pressure. Stroke. Depression. But enough about my symptoms when I watch a presidential debate. This is serious stuff, people. The lab boys in DC are saying that all the jazz nowadays (late night TV watching, surfing the Net, yada yada ...) is causing sleep deprivation in joes and jills from coast to coast. All those things come into play as a result.

Now, before you go blowing your tops, I'll be up front. I'm as much a sucker for staying up and watching an old 40s flick as anybody. But you gotta have your checks and balances in place.

The Big Guy only gave you one body, baby ... so be good to it. He only gave you one brain too ... so mind that as well. He gave you both so you could work to make money and be smart with it. Turn off the tube and bust open a book. Make sure to go nappy-nappy when it's bedtime.

The Internet can wait, jack. All the stuff on the web ain't going anywhere, so you don't have to soak it all in right now. Put the priorities first. Time with the family, time with the budget, time with the self. That's my Dr. Phil moment for the day. Make it happen.

I was so scared, ya know? I was watching E! one time, and like, Paris Hilton's dog ran away, and I was like, omigosh! But then, like, Tinkerbell came back and he was better, so it was cool. I was like ... whew! But then the Academy Awards started, and then Heidi Klum was wearing this awful collar dress and ...

Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada ... You know the problem with lots of joes and jills today? They spend more time reading bunk like this than they do reading their bank statements. You almost wonder why Darwin's theory hasn't caught up with some of them.

Too many people know who got fired or thrown off the island, but not whether little Jimmy can go to college or whether we'll end up flipping burgers at retirement just to make ends meet. Here's the kicker; by the time these stupid people realize they don't have enough to make it in life, they'll be flipping burgers just to make ends meet. It's scary to think about, and scarier to live through.

If you want to have some dough, then work to make it and work to keep it. You need a clue. If you don't keep your Chihuahua on a leash, he gets away. You keep an eye on him and he sticks around. Moolah's the same way, baby.

It happens to the best of 'em, baby. This time, it's the King of Pop. The word is out that Michael Jackson's famous Neverland Ranch will be foreclosed on unless Mr. Nose Job ponies up 25 million before March 19.

You read that right. The same joe who told us how it doesn't matter if you're black or white is having trouble with the green. Sure, people who look like they have dough get a rosy picture painted of them. Then the truth comes out ... they're broker than a back mountain.

You can make 20 grand and have money in the bank. On the flip side of that, too many people knock down six figures a year and only have a bunch of debt to show for it. Don't be fooled by appearances. In fact, don't even take the time to notice appearances.

Don't bother keeping up with the Joneses ... or the Jacksons. Focus on your own get out of debt deal. How stupid would you feel if you envied your next-door neighbor's new car, and the tow truck drags it away a month later? You have your OWN retirement to plan for and your own family to provide for. Step up to the plate and get it done.

Remember the first time you were the best at something? It feels like a million bucks after taxes, baby. I saw it firsthand this weekend ... took a trip down to Tennessee and scored a couple of tickets to the Tennessee Vols B-ball game against Memphis. It was #2 vs. #1 (respectively), state bragging rights on the line, an undefeated season hanging in the balance; the whole shebang.

UT had never, ever been numero uno before. But that all changed Saturday night. Now, you get within a hundred miles of the Volunteer State and you can still hear the shouts of happy from Vol fans.

It was a long struggle to get here (about 100 years and change), but now they've earned it. Victor, meet spoils. When you overcome that adversity and reached the top spot, (read: debt free and loving it) ... that's when you realize that it was all worth it. See ya, struggle ... I got celebrating to do.

I'm always plugging about how you should read a book, baby. You know ... the whole "knowledge is power" deal. I don't know that you'd get a boatload of power from reading these books, though. These are among the 6 finalists for the World's Oddest Book Title.

Having problems with cheese? Then check out Cheese Problems Solved by P.L.H. McSweeney. Need help getting over that time you were roughed up by the vertically challenged dame on another continent? Pick up a copy of I Was Tortured by the Pygmy Love Queen. There's more where they came from, but I'll spare you.

Stuff that's weird can be good. I mean, c'mon ... what's weirder than deep-sixing your consumer debt and getting on a plan for your dough? But doing that is what gets you ahead in this crazy world. If you started today and went nose to the grindstone for 2 years ... JUST 2 YEARS ... you'd have money in the bank and peace in the home. A certain radio talk show host has written a few books on that; you should pick one up.

Catch you Monday, sucker.

Sorry ... had to laugh at this one. It's a 'duh' moment if I ever saw one ... and I've seen 'em all. Some new study says teens who watch professional wrestling are more likely to take chances with their health. They're more into violence, smoking, fooling around ... the whole nine.

News flash, johnny ... kids think they're invincible already. In their mind, they can lick the world. You thought the same thing when you were about to get your driver's license or head off to college. Quit asking what's wrong with the youth of today and start doing something to make it right. Have them volunteer at a soup kitchen or make a personal budget. Get that young energy going in a good direction, and you've got something to smile about.

If you don't like what the kiddies are watching, then turn off the tube and toss a book in their direction, see? The average millionaire reads a nonfiction book a month. Why? Because they exercise the gray stuff between their ears. When was the last time someone got smarter by taking a steel folding chair to the head ... or watching it?

I don't know about you, jack ... but I'm smelling a "ding dong, the witch is dead" moment here. The news on Fidel Castro is that the Cuban commie is out as president of the country. Yeah, yeah, I know ... his brother is the front-runner to replace him as top dog. Still, change is good.

Now that the time for Castro has past-ro, I'm thinking that there will be some parties in South Florida. I blogged a while back about how a big bash was being planned by Miami city officials for when FC goes D-E-A-D, and this is the next best thing as far as they're concerned.

You're living in the greatest country in the world, baby ... so don't take it for granted. They can't do as they please in Cuba, but you can, see? Wanna change careers? Have at it. Feel like bashing Bush or cold-cocking Clinton in public? Be my guest. But the Red, White and Blue gives you chances that no one else will. Waste that, and you waste your life.

I just found out a couple of days ago about this deal ... and it's sweet as honey. You know how each Super Bowl NFL team has its logo printed on a bunch of T-shirts and hats so they can wear them on the field when they win the big game? Well, one side's gear is gonna be wrong when the final gun sounds. This year, it was the Brady bunch from New England.

But even if they're the losers, there are still some winners. As in the kids from Nicaragua, who got the NE threads donated to them. Our buddies down south don't care if the shirts will get them beaten up on the playground of your average elementary school here in the states ... something nice was done for them, and the world's a better place.

I get a smile as big as the San Juan River when I hear stories like this. Giving is the stuff that dreams are made of, baby ... no 2 ways about it. Make this crazy world a better place. It may be clothes, dough, time or yourself; but giving anything is something else. Put the "do" in donate, bub ... as in, do it.

It isn't a day late, jack ... and it sure as Betty ain't a dollar short. It was supposed to go up yesterday, but somebody dropped the ball. Enjoy anyway.

Even though I'm flying solo these days, I know enough about relationships to put Dr. Phil in the cellar. I'm more into showing couples about not doing dumb with the dough. Usually, that involves hanging out at a book store on Valentine's Day and looking for some last-minute lunkhead who's buying 1 of the last 3 overpriced greeting cards in a desperate attempt to win some points with his dame. You can learn from that, baby.

When you wait until your nerves are more shot than a Tommy Gun after the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, you make stupid money decisions. Start early, plan ahead, and put some heart into Cupid Day (and everything else). Cooking dinner for your other half is tons better than suffering the indignity of slipping the host a 50 to find you a table when there's a 2-hour wait.

For more information, read one of my best stories, where I help some yahoo who's about to blow his budget to bugsy on Valentine's Day. It's the stuff that dreams are made of. And don't worry about being lonely on this day, ladies ... after all, I'm on the market.

And if you think that's bad ... check out these Dave Ramsey pickup lines.

Ever wanted the inside scoop on what it's like to work alongside Dave Ramsey? Well, here's your chance, jack. I worked my sources, and found a guy by the name of Chris, who's a bigwig in the radio game at Dave's office. He's going to ask 7 questions each to some of the joes and jills on Dave's payroll (Lara and Blake are leading off) and post it to his blog, but here's the kicker ... YOU get to ask the questions!

Here's how it works. Check out Chris' blog right here. If you have a Q and want an A about Dave's office, or the culture at his joint, or what it's like to work behind the scenes, then post the question on Chris' blog. He's only taking questions for the gig for the next week or so ... so get 'em in now, baby.

After that, stay tuned to his blog, and get some serious info on the "Inside Seven" at Dave's. Like them apples, jack?

Ever see that episode of "Married: With Children" where Al Bundy's old Dodge is about to pass the 1 million mile marker? The story of a set of wheels that could stay on the road until it passed 7 figures only seemed like something you could do on TV. Well, wake up and smell the coffee, jack ... it's been done in real life.

The town? Gresham, Wisconsin. The name? Frank Oresnik. The deal? He bought a used truck in 1991 with 41,000 miles on it. On Monday, he drove the Chevy Silverado (nicknamed "the old girl") past the million mile mark on his odometer. It ain't some miracle, either. He changed the oil, got the tires rotated and took care of all the bells and whistles. As a result, old girl has become old reliable.

Don't give me any of that jazz about how you need to have a new car to get around, baby. If an old pickup can get you from A to Z and all points in between, then that $6,000 ride in your driveway that you call a hunk of junk will work just fine while you get out of debt. Car loans are for chumps ... got something to say about that, bub?

I'm not in the mood for a lot of talking today, jack. So I'll be quick and let you joes and jills get on with your day. The World Health Organization is ballparking that cigarette smoke will kill a billion people by the year 2100.

I say a fair price for a carton of smokes is 40 bucks. Sucking down a pack a day means you'll blow $120 a month on cancer sticks. If you invest that kind of dough from age 20 to age 75 (and you might live that long if you don't smoke), it'll be the year 2063, and you'll have $8.5 million in cold, hard cash, see?

Want some real kicks and giggles? Invest that money from now until the year that 1 billion people are projected to be pushing up daisies, and it'll be worth almost $708 million. Hope you like the smokes!

Why are the lab boys paid perfectly good dough to tell us the same stuff that a 10-year-old could figure out? This time, it's all about what happens after you take those good old marriage vows, baby.

Those fancy-schmancy, highly accurate reports from the whitecoats are telling us that if your dame or hubby bugs you now, you'll find them more irritating and demanding the longer you two are together ... SCIENCE! Next, they'll probably tell you how eating vegetables like your mom and dad told you will lead to better health.

I got all you need to know right here, and it's a boatload cheaper than that study. Just like Dave Ramsey says, if a couple can agree about money, in-laws, religion and kids, then the odds that their marriage will survive are so good you could take out a Vegas line on them. If you're struggling with the dead presidents part and can't pay your bills, then it's time to get to work on fixing that part, jack.

Time to get all "Doctor Phil" on you. Sit down with your other half, make a budget and start talking about what's really important in life ... them and you. Once you get to talking, you'll get to reconnecting. Then you'll go from fightin' to friendly in nothing flat.

I'm all about having a good time, as long as you can pay cash for it. And speaking of paying for a good time, this dunce of a dame is gonna be doing plenty of that.

Check this: Tina Williams goes out for a beer run in Florida and gets pulled over for running a red light on the way back. The cop who stops her takes one look in her car and books her on a laundry list of charges. Why, you may ask?

Well, it seems that she decided her 24-pack was more important than her friend's 16-month-old toddler, so she had the beer buckled down in the shotgun seat, but the baby in the back didn't have a seatbelt on. Doesn't it make YOU feel good knowing that the brew has a better chance of surviving a head-on than the baby?

It could happen to you, jack. It doesn't take a set of wheels and a case of Milwaukee's finest to screw up a kid, but not paying attention to them and not showing them the right way to deal with shooters, studying or saving will put 'em on the bad side of the tracks. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

From the Super Bowl to Super Tuesday. Time to get out and vote, jack. Don't go rolling your eyes ... about 95% of the other countries in this crazy world would trade places with you in a New York second if they could pick their leaders. Not voting is for suckers. If you don't do your part to keep this top-notch country going, I got about as much sympathy for you as a Bush vs. Clinton steel cage match.

Don't get me wrong ... Washington isn't gonna solve your problems with money. That jazz is up to you. So what if the stiffsuits are sending some cash to you later this year and calling it a tax refund? I know plenty of yahoos who are up to their sweet necks in debt, and will spend that cash faster than the aforementioned New York second.

Get your vote in today. Just like Austin Powers said ... it's freedom, baby; yeah!

David vs. Goliath. Bill Gates vs. all the 1970s naysayers. Rocky Balboa vs. anyone taller than 5'3". That's about the company that the New York Giants are in. No one ... and I mean NO ONE ... gave the G-men a chance when Super Bowl time vs. the Patriots came last night. But then you look up 4 hours later and bada-bing, bada-boom ... the team is hoisting (the trophy) and the fans are hootin' and hollerin'.

Here's the lesson, ladies and germs. Let no one ... and I mean NO ONE ... tell you that beating big-time odds can't be had. When it comes to working hard and beating the big boys, don't be denied and get it done.

Let the chumps do the chattering. Let the wimps do the waffling. I don't care if the opposition fires every bullet in the clip at you ... when you get jacked up and are ready to bust some heads in working toward a good goal, the world better watch out.

I'm angry this morning, baby ... and I want you to be angry too. Get angry, get going and get it done. If it's getting out of debt, or getting the job you want, or even getting started, then get going. Get it?

Stupid's not illegal ... that's what Dave Ramsey says. But it sure is funny, baby. At least when you're talking about game shows. I thought I'd seen it all when that dame on Family Feud answered "September" when Richard Dawson asked "during what month of pregnancy does a woman begin to look pregnant?" Then, I read this game show bit about other, stupider "A"s to those "Q"s.

You know where stupid ain't funny? When it comes to money, honey. You tell me why it's smart to buy something on plastic and make credit card payments at 18%. Clue me in on why you get a new car loan and end up paying 14 grand for a $12,000 set of wheels that is worth about 4,800 and change when you try to sell it.

If you're doing stupid, don't worry ... DEBTective is on the scene. Wanna find out how to win with the dough? Want your family to sleep better at night? Here's your chance ...