Let's face it ... Joe Paterno is a classy guy. The head football coach at Penn State has been at the same school since the Beatles topped the charts, graduated players, been good to the community and ... oh yeah, become a coaching legend in the process.

But JP was never up-front about his salary. Well, now the truth can be told. Joe makes big money by his own admission ... a whopping $500,000.

Sure, five hundred thousand is a lot of dough. But next to Oklahoma's Bob Stoops at $3 million or Nick Saban pulling down four megs at Alabama, it's chump change, see? You don't have to be the highest-paid honcho to have enough.

Odds are, since you live better than 90% of the people in this crazy world, whatever money you make is plenty. If you make X, then live on X-1 and you'll be all right.

You can build up piles of cash even when you don't make as much as the joe or jill next door. What good is a six-figure salary if you spend like you make seven figures? Live on less than you make. Need help with it? No problem, baby. I got all the answers you need right here.

From stupid to stupid in nothing flat, jack. Yesterday I told you about the moron who tried to open a bank account with a million dollar bill. Today, the case centers on a guy who may LOSE the million that he won on a scratch-off game, since he was on probation when he bought the winning lottery ticket.

He's already got the first of his $50,000 checks. But as is usual with lotto winners, the story ain't got the Walt Disney ending. Pretty soon, this joe won't collect his dough no mo.

Keep it simple with the moolah, baby. Lottery equals trouble. Budgeting equals big-time bucks. Play $30 in the lottery each month for 50 years and you'll wind up with empty hands and an empty wallet. Invest that much for that long and it'll turn into 1.17 million. Simple enough?

Moron, meet the clink. I'm serious, jack ... this yahoo's brain should be on the side of a milk carton with a sign that says "Have you seen me?" Here's the deal: Alexander Smith walks into a bank, see? Wants to open an account. The teller asks for his opening deposit, and he forks over a $1 million bill.

Nothing like fake money to start your day. To top it off, Smith started getting foul-mouthed with the teller when she wouldn't play ball with the bill. Next thing you know, he's staring down a disorderly conduct charge and two counts of forgery.

Bear in mind, ladies and germs; what this guy did is only about one step down on the stupid scale from credit card debt or not making a personal budget. Deep-six your debt and you'll have that million bucks soon enough ... and you won't have to go to the cooler over it, either.

I'm as big a fan of movies as anybody, baby ... but even I know where to draw the line. Check this out. Seems like the British Secret Intelligence Service are getting slammed with applications from all over creation.

Why, you may ask? Well, I did some digging, and by the looks of it, a lot of the wanna-be super spies are the people who are just juiced up after watching the James Bond movies, where 007 works for MI6. The problem is, that job ain't all action and dames. People get the wrong idea based on what the Hollywood bigwigs want you to see, see?

Life on the movie screen is big-time different from life in real life. On the silver screen, any joe or jill can pick the winning lotto numbers, get the girl or guy at the end and live happily ever after. Here, you work at it. Don't get fooled and think there's an easy way, jack. In life or with the dough, you give it the effort and reap
the rewards. Don't forget it.

This one ain't about telling you to get out of debt. It ain't about living on the up and up or sticking it to the plastic companies. It ain't about who gets thrown off the island or the latest news about a certain Manhattan real estate tycoon with a bad haircut and a marriage record to match.

Two words ... Happy Thanksgiving. All you joes and jills, eat drink and be merry. Until Monday, baby ... I'm out.

I'm a joe who likes to wait until Thanksgiving is over before getting down to Christmas ... with one exception. The giving part. Which is why I'm going to be hitting the food pantry scene early, baby.

Seems food banks are hitting hard times and chow is short, see? Well, yours truly is heading to the front lines to make sure that the shelves are stocked with grub. Getting the chance to do that is one of the reasons that I wish it were Christmas all year.

This is why you do it, baby. This is why you make a personal budget and have a total money makeover. So that when joes and jills who are down on their luck come along, you can lend a hand. Make it happen, jack. Not a feeling like it in the world.

Dave Ramsey might have a new line about running away from debt like a gazelle from the cheetah. Check this, baby ... deliver yourself like a cow from a McDonald's in Utah. Dead serious.

Here's the deal ... a trailer loaded with cows pulled into a Mickey Dees a couple of days ago in West Haven, UT. The back of the trailer opened by mistake, see? From there, the burgers-to-be took one look at the golden arches and bolted out of there.

Take my tip and do the same, ladies and germs. Debt is bad ... so when you see it, beat it. If you already have credit card debt, first you need to get mad, then get even. As in a zero balance, baby. If a bovine can beat cheeks away from a burger joint, then you can do the same to the plastic companies. There's your dish for the day ... want fries with that?

Now HERE'S a story that'll get your attention, baby. The city? Erie, PA. The donor? Anonymous. The gift? 100 million smackers.

You read that right, jack. The Erie Community Foundation got the charity donation to end all on Monday ... a hundred million to help some charities in the town. That was the cake and here's the icing. The person who gave the dough worked for the foundation for a few years to figure out which charities handle their money best. The responsible ones got the goods. Sound familiar?

Put that money into the hands of someone who doesn't know how to handle it, and they'll spend every last penny, and then some. Give it to a person who has a clue, and good things will happen. That's why joes and jills who make money keep money, and all others end up on the street.

Want that to be you? Well, I don't have nine figures to give away, but I've got something even better. Click here and I'll show you how to get started on growing your money tree.

Keep to the code. Even the mob has their rules, baby. Don't think so? Maybe you will after checking out this list of 10 commandments that the boys in blue found outside the home of an Italian mafia bigshot in Palermo.

Whether it's about taking "the right money" or treating dames the right way, this 10 covers the full 9. Too bad the list is for a bunch of rotten, no-good crooks, see? I know another set of Commandments that are much better, but that's for another blog.

In the meantime, here are some other words to live by. Thou shalt make a personal budget if ye wants to get ahead with the dough. Thou shalt not have car payments unless ye wants to dine on Alpo as an old-timer. Thou shalt root for the Bears this weekend against the Seahawks.

Okay ... that last one was mine. You get the picture.

Now THIS is a pen that I could get used to. Boston's Charles Street jail was one of the roughest coolers in the business for 156 years. Now, 150 million bucks later, it's a high-class luxury hotel ... the kind that Capone would need two references to get into.

I've been in spots where it felt like my house was a prison, see? The payment was sky-high and my bank account balance was lower than a bad golf handicap, baby. It's bad when your digs are digging you into a grave. But it doesn't have to be that way. Imagine being debt free and sleeping good at night. Deep-six your debt, and things seem brighter.

The grocery store doesn't feel like a trip through the chow line. Turning up the heater on a cold night doesn't feel like you're juicing up the electric chair. You can rest easy ... it's the stuff that dreams are made of.

One word ... ouch. That's what this joe in China is gonna be saying, now that he's spending the rest of his life in the cooler. For what, you may ask? Check this out, jack ... he found a flaw in the welfare lotto system and used it to illegally buy the winning lottery numbers.

Speaking of numbers, the law is doing one on this guy. Threw him in the can for life, confiscated all his property ... the whole nine.

We all knew that the lottery isn't the way to get everything you want, but for this yahoo, it cost him everything he ever had. Just remember; every smacker you spend trying to strike it rich is a smacker that you can't invest so you can get rich.

Not convinced? Maybe this'll learn you. The average person spends 32 bucks a month on the lotto. They play it their whole lives and come away with nada. Invest that money each month at 12% for 50 years and you'll pocket $1.25 million. Wow ... almost like winning the lottery.

The man is unmasked ... and considering that he's been toes-up for 3,000 years, King Tut doesn't look too shabby. The world got its first look at the mug of the famous pharaoh Sunday. It wasn't easy to get to, though. The lab boys had to dig up a golden tomb, unhook the beige covering, lift the body out of a quartz sarcophagus and peel back the linens.

Sure, KT OD'd on his funeral ... but that doesn't mean you need to, jack. It's a good idea to pre-plan the big checkout, but not pre-pay for it. If you invest $100 a month into a mutual fund for 20 years, you'll end up with almost 99,000 smackers! Who do you think you are, King Tut?

Here's a pretty rosy Elvis Presley picture for you ... the King is still on top of the mountain when it comes to earning cash by celebrities who are six feet under. At 49 million bucks a year, EP's earnings trump Einstein, Warhol, Monroe and McQueen ... combined.

Take note, boys and girls; this will be about the only time where you see someone who makes millions of dollars and just lies around all day. In the meantime, you need to put forth some effort, baby. You need to work your debt snowball and put your debt as far under as James Dean. You don't need to be a cold, hard celebrity to make some cold, hard cash. Get to work.

I'm out for the weekend, jack. Thank you ... thank ya ver much.