Sometimes, you get the dog. Sometimes, the dog gets you. Case in point: James Harris was with his friends and hunting dog in Iowa on Saturday. He blows a pheasant away and goes to pick it up, see? The only problem ... he set his rifle down and walked in front of the muzzle to nab his prey.

Before you know it, good ol' Spot chases after him and steps on the trigger. Harris takes a trip to the hospital to show off his left calf, which now has a creamy lead center. I can see the dog kicking back at the local watering hole with a cigar and a fresh bowl of scraps, bragging to his friends about how he brought down a bub.

Harris looked the wrong way for one minute and stepped in the wrong place, and ... BAM! He thought his behavior wouldn't hurt him, but it did. You've got the same deal, jack. If you do some stupid little thing like using credit cards or 90 days same-as-cash, it'll pop you in the back. Before you know it, you're a lame duck. Keep away.

Back in action, baby. I was out of town dealing with family stuff. But when I got home and read the papers, this one jumped out at me.

Ever have one of those embarrassing moments that you don't want to be brought up again? Looks like the German law boys had one last week. Seven of 'em were involved in a car chase with some punk kid. And they still lost him ... I guess the GO-KART he was driving had just a little too much juice under the hood.

You read that right, jack. Seven of Germany's finest got showed up by a kid driving something that you find at your average putt-putt golf course. If only you could give your consumer debt the slip that easy.

But that's the problem ... you can't run away from your problems. Most joes and jills want getting out of debt to be easy. It ain't, but it's doable. And oh, my ... is it sweet when it happens. You make a personal budget, work that debt snowball and pretty soon, you're home free. Back tomorrow with more, baby.

Get the soap ready, jack ... 'cause some mouths are about to need it. Seems the lab boys just released the results of a study that says you can increase the ol' team spirit at work by cussing with your co-workers at the office.

I've been in this crazy world a long time, baby. I've been from the office to the boardroom to the mailroom. I've never once seen a couple of joes or jills spend more time together because their mouths went all truck driver on each other.

Instead of using your mouth at work, try using your brain. You get ahead by doing the best job you can. Do that, and everyone takes notice. Don't, and you'll find yourself out on the street. Then you'll REALLY feel like cursing.

Call him the Bobby Fischer equivalent of the millionaire next door. That's the name I'd give this joe who takes center stage at the Dupont Circle in DC. It's a hotbed for chess players, and board big-shot Tom Murphy is shooting for the title of chess master. He's like the millionaire next door because at first glance, you wouldn't guess that he's a gamer.

He's homeless and sleeps on a park bench. He only owns a few things ... his hat, the clothes on his back and, when it comes to chess ... your keester.

I love those stories, baby. One of those "Good Will Hunting" numbers. Someone who's humble and likeable, but could knock it out of the park when he wants. That could be you.

How would it feel to get heckled by your broke neighbor for driving a 5-year-old set of wheels, then drop the bomb that you bought it with cash, while he's making car payments out the ears? How would it feel to have a budget, a battle plan for your dough, and know you'll have plenty of cash left at the end of the month? Click here and get it rolling, jack.

Can't have someone lose the weight for you, jack. This is as close as you'll get. Some hi-tech company is yapping on about a new techno shopping cart that'll read barcodes for you, see? Give you all the dirt on the grub you're buying ... calories, nutritional value, carbs; the whole shebang.

Hey, that reminds me ... did you hear about that new checkbook that balances itself? No? Well, that sounds right ... because IT DOESN'T EXIST!!!! When it comes to dropping weight or dropping debt, the "drop" part is your responsibility, baby. A shopping cart won't get you to eat better unless you get you to eat better. A budget is the same way.

There's making a budget, and there's sticking to it. The sooner you start working a good money plan, the sooner it starts working for you. Chew on that.

Pull up a chair, baby ... here's the latest pitch from the campaign trail. Hillary Rodham Clinton (or as I call her, Hi-Rod) is proposing tax cuts of up to a thousand smackers a year to encourage joes and jills to chuck money into their 401k retirement plans.

It's all well and good, but remember this ... you have to do something to get something. Uncle Sam isn't gonna cruise by your house with one of those oversized checks. You have to invest money so you'll have money for the part of your life when you ain't making money. Washington can sell you all the bright ideas it wants, baby ... in the end, it's all you.

Now, I hear some of you out there with that same old jazz, 'But DEBTective, I can't afford to invest now'. Bub, you can't afford not to. Make a budget and deep-six your debt. Do it, then save it, and you'll be neck-deep in dough before long. You can thank me then.

Maybe he can use the million dollar bill he was carrying to buy a new brain, baby ... 'cause it won't work for his bail. Some yahoo in Pittsburgh walked into a store, pulled out a $1 million bill and asked the cashier if the brother could spare 10 million dimes. When the cashier shook his head, the man flew off the handle.

He started smashing stuff up and wouldn't give his name or info to the coppers when they got there. Now he's cooling his heels in the pokey.

Money can make you do some crazy things. Fake money apparently means a one-way ticket to the loony bin. Either way, don't let your head get away from you ... don't go for the quick buck. Make your money slow, and it'll last a while.

How do they do it, bub? I mean, I get my hands on a Rubik's Cube, and 10 minutes later I'm so mad that I want to get my hands on the throat of the guy that made it.

I don't guess that was a big problem for the joes and jills who made it to the RC world championship in Budapest on Sunday. Fastest time to solve it there ... 10.88 seconds. I've had sneezes that go longer than that, baby.

Lots of people look at money the same way. It's frustrating, doesn't make sense and they can't make heads or tails out of it. The worst part? Most of them don't even spend 10.88 ticks on it.

It ain't hard, jack. Write down your income and expenses on a piece of paper ... there's your budget. Spend less than you make and pay off debt. There's your strategy. Stick to it long enough ... there's your freedom. Game, set, match.

Make no mistake, bub ... this is the only time in my life when I'll say it paid off to have some gold. The word from the newsboys in the Big Apple is that an 1804-dated gold Eagle coin made for President Andrew Jackson was bought by a private collector for 5 million smackers.

The part that surprises me? Fetching millions for an old coin. The part that doesn't? When it comes to making money, you can't beat old school, baby.

Doing things like making a personal budget, living or less dough than you make and investing for your retirement income is a surefire way to join the seven-figure net worth club. It'll happen, jack ... maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and it'll last for the rest of your life.

Until Monday ... happy trails.

When you mess up, you go right back out and get things done. That's the advice I'd give to any joe or jill who's neck-deep in bills and wants to get out of debt. It's also the tip I'd give to my beloved Chicago Cubs, who got taken into a back alley last night by the Arizona Diamondbacks, 3-1.

Game 2 is tonight, and if the Cubbies have any kind of thickness in their skin, they'll drop last night from their memory and take care of business tonight, see? Don't let a mistake cost you more than it has to. Pick up, clean up, move on and look out.

Same deal with the dough. I don't care if you got a cash advance at a payday loan store to fleece a car so you can go to the courthouse and declare bankruptcy on 3,000 bucks. We all goof up. The smart ones make the best of the time that's left.

That's all I got. See you at Game 2, baby.

Time to sound off about the latest chapter in the Britney Spears scandal, jack ... and it ain't gonna be pretty. Seems there's a lot of BS going on right now with BS and KF. Now, the dollface had to turn over custody of her two tykes to dancer/singer/leecher Kevin Federline, until further notice.

This ain't the way to parent your kids, see? One of these yahoos doesn't have a clue about how to handle kids or money, or how to get a decent haircut, and the other is Britney Spears.

The way I see it, keeping a family together when the parents don't have their heads screwed on right is like trying to build a house of cards on a table with three legs. Get yourself stable, in life and with the dough. Work together. Remember, the wee ones are counting on you, baby.

Remember all that jazz from a few weeks ago about the lousy subprime market and how it would blow the economy to bite-size bits? Didn't happen. The stock market news from the boys in New York is that the Dow Jones posted its highest total ever yesterday.

And I'm not the only one who knew that ... my man Dave Ramsey called it, too. Looks like Chicken Little chickened out, bub. The sky ain't falling over Wall Street ... quite the opposite. The stock market has turned into the super market ... and there's more green than in the produce section, baby.

When you're investing, don't jump in and out. Get in and stay in for the long term. Think of the market like gas prices. They go up sometimes and down sometimes, but the numbers are bigger now than 5, 10 or 20 years ago. Sweat through the small jumps and dips, stay in for the long run and watch your dough grow. It's simple, simon.