The newest Forbes list is out, and this one deals with the biggest earners on the small screen. Checking in at No. 1 on the list of top TV star earners ... making a cool 260 million, Oprah's earnings trump Seinfeld, Letterman and ... well, Trump. To paraphrase a certain Muppet who wasn't on the list, it ain't easy making green.

These joes and jills make big-time piles of dough because they're the best at what they do. Talking heads are a dime a dozen; any yahoo with an opinion can say what he thinks. But the ones who work at it ... the ones who have a clue and put in the hours, are the ones who get the TV deals and top dollars, see?

Pick what you love, then be the best you can be at it. Like Dave Ramsey says, if you love what you do and outwork everyone else, it'll put you in the top 5 percent of your field, and that always pays some good moolah.

Put that in your pipe, jack. Til Monday.

Most dames don't give birth to a 6-month old baby, baby ... but by the looks of it, this dollface wasn't too far off of that. After giving a C-section how-do-you-do to her 12th kid, Siberian lady Tatyana Barabanova was shocked to find out that newborn baby Nadia checked in at 17.1 pounds.

This kid's got Michelin man written all over her. Even though it's gotta be thrill of a lifetime to carry a kid, bringing them into this crazy world is a relief and a half.

Got a big weight that you want to get off your shoulders? One that causes a pain in the pit of your stomach? Cuz, you know, debt does that sort of thing, see? But the second you get on a plan to deep-six that consumer debt of yours, you'll feel born again. Quit crying and make it happen, jack.

Four more games. Four measly little matchups. That's all that stands between the Chicago Cubs and the NL Central pennant. They fought and scratched, won 'em and lost 'em this season. By this time next week, they could be sitting pretty in the playoffs if they take 4 of the next 5. That is, if they stay focused and don't blow the deal like a box of TNT. They need to finish the job.

There's a reason that you don't run 9 miles in a 10-mile race, jack. Don't get close to the end and think you can coast to the finish line. When that happens, everything that you've worked for will get messed up, and you'll have no one to blame but that yahoo in the mirror. Keep away from that jazz, baby.

If you're after something, be it debt freedom or anything else in this crazy world, don't stop until you've got it in the palm of your hand. Don't stop 'til your on top.

And ... the gloves are off. It's getting uglier than a chain-smoking 80-year-old dame playing the slot machines between the United Auto Workers union and General Motors. The UAW went on strike yesterday morning and now both sides are losing tons of dough by the minute. Check out the link.

The part of the story that got to me was about halfway down, when workers Ron and Anita Ahrens talk about how they can't pay their bills because of the strike. You know why? That's right, baby ... they don't have an emergency fund, they DO have debt, and I'll bet dollars to donuts that they are only saving for retirement through work, not on their own.

Want that to be you? Want to have the rug pulled out from underneath you when the floor is made of spikes? Didn't think so. Take care of you and yours, jack. Get out of debt. Save for retirement. Be ready for when life throws you a left hook. That's Dave Ramsey's way. Think it's wrong? I know about 73,000 joes and jills who would beg to differ.

Adds too much to the waist and takes too much from the wallet ... that's the word on the street about this gourmet dessert being served at a Sri Lankan resort, bub. It's a combo of fruit, a chocolate sculpture, some Irish cream and a gemstone. All that for the "reasonable" price of 14,500 smackers. Excluding tip.

This sweet is all about the show. Give me a $5.99 chocolate cake at Mel's Diner and I'm happy as all-get-out. Anyone who buys this dish is just trying to impress their friends. Are you doing the same deal?

It may not be with food, but you may be hanging on to your car (and its huge car payment) because you like the looks you get from the Joneses. But that won't feed you at retirement. You know what will? Investing the payment and making yourself a gazillion-aire. Be smart about your dough, baby. Make it work for you.

Stop the presses, baby. Got my top blown off yesterday when Dave announced on The Dave Ramsey Show that he's hitting the small screen. As in the Fox Business Network, which is launching into 30 or 40 million homes in sweet prime time on October 15.

So now we've all got a new way to get our DR fix. Turn on and tune in. This thing's gonna rock. Have a hot time in the old town this weekend, baby. I'm out.

OK, baby ... the title might be misleading. Not all dough is getting a new look, but it's an almost total money makeover for the $5 bill. The fin is getting some splashes of gray and purple to update the look and stay ahead of the counterfeiters, see?

The dough may look different, but the way to use it is still the same. I don't care if they end up making it look like Monopoly money; if you don't save money and have a plan for it, your hopes for a nice, crispy retirement will sink faster than a federal witness wearing cement shoes taking a swim in the Hudson. Think about it.

Only 400-some-odd days left until we choose the next U.S. prez, baby. So who gets DT's vote? No one knows ... and that puts me about even with 90% of the rest of the country.

Lots of average joes and jills out there haven't picked their Presidential poison yet, and that's just peachy. They don't have to know now ... but that doesn't mean they should just fuggetaboutit. It's your right to vote, jack; and your responsibility.

I don't care if it's Romney, Rodham, Fred or John Ed. I'll be the first one at the polls come next November to cast my vote. Does it mean enough to you to do the same, baby? Don't be a sucker ... pick your platform and punch your chad.

In the meantime, don't think that the boys and girls in Washington are gonna solve your money problems. It's still up to you to save money and pay off debt, see?

Yo-ho baby maties ... know what today is? That's right ... it's ITLaPD. For you joes and jills who ain't up to speed on the text message lingo, it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Normally I wouldn't make a fuss about it, but listen up, jack (sparrow). Do some high-seas speaking today; it's fun and it'll break up the monotony. Don't arrrrrrrgue with me.

Take note, ladies and germs. This is the only time that I'll tell you to go with the flow and do what everyone else does. Today, it's normal to talk funny, see? But every other day, it's normal to be broke.

Most of the mates out there don't make a budget, so make a budget for your booty, baby. Everyone else racks up tons of credit card debt, so don't sail on that ship. The key to having a bunch of dough is to live on less than you make. Not too hard, is it?

Just for kicks and giggles, check out one of my favorite pirate shows of all time, starring a certain Mr. Garfield. Until tomorrow ... ahoy, baby.

The coffee was too hot. I thought cruise control meant the car steers itself. Didn't know "flammable" meant "could blow up if you put fire on it". Choose your favorite, but the list of frivolous lawsuits took a new turn when this yahoo from Nebraska decided to sue God. You read that right, jack.

He's trying to make the point that anyone can sue anyone, but I think you've crossed the line when you motion to take The Man Upstairs before Judge Judy, baby. It may not involve any dough, but this is more stupid than any stupid tax I've ever seen.

Speaking of stupid ... don't be. If you mess up, then take responsibility for it and move on. Quit trying to pass the buck and make the catch instead.

If this is New England's idea of patriot games, I'll sit on the sidelines, thank you very much. What am I talking about? Have a seat, 'cause class is in session. The New England Patriots were busted for using a video camera to spy on opposing coaches.

As a result, head coach Bill Belichick got slapped with a half a million dollar fine, and the Patriots organization took it on the chin for 250 grand more, see? And it doesn't just cost 'em in dollars, but in the draft too. They're gonna lose an NFL draft pick or two next year. It's a blow to the future, baby.

I've said before how you need to do things on the up and up. Here's another reason to keep things straight. When you try to cheat, it hurts the next generation. Your kids will see you breaking the rules and think it's all good, then they'll do the same thing. Don't fall into that trap, jack.

Let's have some fun for a sec. Check out this Lamborghini car. It's yours for a cool $1.4 million. So let's say you take out a 7% loan over 5 years. The monthly payments equal (drum roll ...) $27,722 a month. Chump change ... if you're Bill Gates.

Now, I know ... someone buying a set of wheels like that will probably buy it with cash (THERE'S an idea). They wouldn't take out a stupid car loan. So get a clue from them, bub. If you can't pay cold, hard cash for a car, then you ain't ready to buy it.

I'll tell you this ... it's better to get that slap in the face from me than to take out a loan and pay 15 large for a $10,000 car that'll only be worth 6 or 7 grand when you try to sell it. How stupid is that?

Do what rich people do, baby. Save up some cash, get a beater car until you get out of debt, and then you can upgrade. Like them apples, jack?

So much for the extra value meal. The word from the newsboys is that London is the priciest city in this crazy world when it comes to filling your belly. The average meal price in the land of James Bond is 79 bucks. I'm guessing that's more than just fish and chips. That's a super supper.

You may not be spending that much on a meal, but blowing a bunch of dough on eating out or some other jazz has caused many a check to bounce, baby. If you don't make a budget and watch where the money goes, then you'll spend what's not in your account.

Before you know it, that Big Mac you bought 2 weeks ago is gonna cost you $2.99 plus a $35 overdraft fee. Bon appetite, sucker.

Be smarter than that. Be disciplined enough to know when it's all right to eat out, and when you need to cook it yourself. Don't think it's worth it? Try it once and check your bank statement. You can thank me after that, jack.

The Raider has landed, jack. NFL rookie #1 pick JaMarcus Russell has finally inked a deal with the Oakland Raiders that's worth a cool 60 million. It goes without saying that it's a lot of dough, but even a hotshot QB with money in the bank can outspend himself and end up broke and out on the street. It's happened before.

You can make $31 million in guaranteed money or you can make $31,000 after working overtime, but you gotta know how to handle the cash either way, see? I had a buddy who was pulling down 6 figures in the law and order biz, and today he's broke because he couldn't control his debt. That's what happens when you make decisions like paying full price for a set of wheels that costs 86 grand.

Don't wait ... make that budget. Pay off debt. Get some dough in savings. No other way to do it, baby.

Wouldn't be right to talk about anything else today. Seems just like the JFK assassination ... everyone remembers where they were when they heard about the September 11 attack. I was on my way to my office when I turned on the radio and heard the funny-duo DJs being serious for a change. The closer I got to work, the more I heard. By the time I got there, I didn't want to hear any more.

It was the worst day ... and it started some of the best days, baby. People shaped up and started helping out. Complete strangers were pitching in and giving a helping hand to other complete strangers. Charity donations skyrocketed and petty bickering plummeted. That's the way it needs to be.

Just goes to show, joe ... make the time you have count. When times are bad, do good. Don't be afraid to help out; it's what we're here for.

I don't go into government politics much, jack ... and I ain't starting now. But this story was too good to pass up. Seems the lab boys in Paris are saying the gray matter between your ears is hard-wired different for liberals and conservatives. Depending on who you side with, your brain fires differently when you are faced with a tough choice in life, see?

Politics may be hard-wired, but handling the dough ain't. And it's a crying shame, too ... because if more joes and jills had common sense about money, there would be less fighting and more giving.

Let me clue you in on some basics, baby. Live on less than you make. Make a budget and get a battle plan for the month with your money. Get a bargain where you can. More questions? Check out my dirt sheets. You can thank me later.

Anyone who knows me has figured out that I'm a sucker for the classics. And does it get more classic than Luciano Pavarotti? Sad news, though: the fat lady has sung for the fat man. The titan of tenors checked out this morning at age 71.

LP fielded one of the best voices you'll ever lay your ears on. But he didn't get to where he did without working. He started singing and working when he was still a kid. He started small-time, and it paid off; by the time he stepped down, he was a household name. There's a lesson to learn, baby.

Do something in this crazy world. Life's too short to just walk around clueless, see? Everybody's good at something, so if you're stuck in some dead-end job and want to do something you love, then get started. Have a plan, but don't waste away. You're better than that. I'm out.

It's boo hoo for the maize and blue, baby. The University of Michigan football team made history on Saturday ... the kind that you want to forget. #5 Michigan goes up against Division I-AA Appalachian State, who was such an underdog that there was no betting line on the game, see? Three hours later, David has sent Goliath to the turf, and ASU beat the Wolverines 34-32.

Think of yourself as Michigan. Think of Appalachian State as life. If you're not careful ... if you ain't ready for life, it'll show up out of nowhere and slap the taste out of your mouth, and knock you off that high horse of yours.

Be as prepared as a Boy Scout, baby. Have a budget in place so your dough doesn't get away from you. Have the right insurance lined up. If you make "X", then don't spend "X+1". Like them apples, jack?