I've decided to take a mini-break and head to The City of Lights. That's right, baby ... I'm headed to France. One of the highlights of this little trip around the globe is to catch the last leg of the Tour de France. As long as I'm on the sidelines watching the race, I might as well look for the leader, Michael Rasmussen ... he should be right there with me, ever since he got kicked out for lying to officials. He missed a couple of drug tests, so plenty of eyebrows were raised there.

What gives? Could it be possible that somebody was dishonest and it came back to bite them? Say it ain't so, joe! Think about how long this Danish dolt has been training for this race. Now it's all out the window because he wouldn't do things on the up-and-up.

No money or fame is worth your name, bub. Stick to being honest and you can sleep at night. In the meantime, it's travel time. I'm out. Good night and good luck.

Denial. It's as ugly as Lindsay Lohan's mug shot. And speaking of LiLo, seems she's having a little run-in with the boys in blue again. This time, she was busted for DUI and possession of cocaine. The topper came when she started insisting that the blow wasn't hers, see?

I thought the whole deal was stupid because it's like a fat person who binges on 3 Big Macs trying to defend himself by saying that none of them had mayonnaise on them. Missing the big picture, baby. If Lohan had any sense about her, she wouldn't have been getting into trouble in the first place. She's using the drug issue to side-step having to talk about the problem she has.

I know some of you joes and jills are doing the same thing with the dough. You've got problems with credit card debt or student loans, but you keep denying it by saying "it's not that bad." The longer you do that, the more dough you throw away. One day, you'll wake up as has-been and broke. Don't let it happen. Get out of debt now and get your life back. Don't be a sucker.

It's official. The boys in Washington have signed the new minimum wage law, and now the bare bones salary is up to $5.85. It's a step up, but it's not enough for most joes and jills. And you know what? It shouldn't be. People should want to do better and raise the bar for themselves. That's not to say these jobs are wrong; it's to say that people can do better if they want.

If you've got bigger dreams about having a career and making a big-time salary, I've got good news, bub. It's out there waiting for you, but it's going to take some hard work, see? When you're not working, you're reading or studying or doing something to get into the career you want. Be relentless and don't let anything derail you. How would it feel to find what you enjoy doing and go from $5.85 an hour to $58,500 a year? Good, right? Then don't waste time here, jack ... get moving and make it happen.

From the Big Apple to Chi-town Shanghai to Dubai ... the location for the world's tallest building is bouncing around the globe, baby. Some call it a sign of progress for a city to have digs that big ... I call it the upscale version of keeping up with the Joneses. Who cares if your city has the tallest bunch of brick and mortar in it?

Don't be so busy making sure yours is the biggest and baddest on the block. The more time you spend trying to impress the joes and jills around you with your stuff, the less time you spend actually making smart moolah decisions. What good is a 2008 set of wheels if it's dragging a $600 car payment with it? How stupid is it to buy a set of clothes that will be "out" in 6 months, and you're still paying on it after a year? Don't buy into it, bub. Life is worth more than that ... don't water yourself down with "stuff".

I've been around the block ... and I tell ya, this new Harry Potter book is getting more hyped up than a guy in a question mark suit yelling about free government money on late night TV. I haven't seen a public outcry like this since they called for Jar-Jar Binks to be banished to a galaxy far, far away. J.K. Rowling has really done a number here with the Potter phenomenon ... in more ways than one.

Just 18 years ago, this dame was a single mom who wrote at the local cafe to save on the heating bill at home. Now she's one of Britain's richest. Why? Because she found what worked for her (these stories), dug her heels in and worked. As a result, she's got a billion bucks to her name and has more fame than she can shake Brangelina at. Take a clue from that, baby. Find what you do best, get a goal for it and then charge at your goal like an out-of-control oliphant. It's the stuff that dreams are made of.

Ladies and germs; the man of the year has arrived. No, I ain't talking about yours truly, but rather Mr. Roy Hibbert, a junior center for the Georgetown Hoyas b-ball team. This 7'2" skyscraper is doing something that gets him crazy looks from everyone under the sun ... he's coming back for his senior year instead of going pro. And he's not even trying to raise his stock to play in the NBA. He wants to get his degree and have a plan for life after hoops, see?

Now that's a man that has his priorities in line. He knows that an NBA salary and piles of cash are waiting in the wings, and the money will still be there next year. But like Dave Ramsey says, he's devising a plan and following it rather than just doing what feels good. It's a sign that he'll know how to handle the dough, because he's mature enough to wait for it instead of just diving in.

Same goes for you, bub. Don't use debt to get what you want now. Save up and pay cash so you can own it ... and your future ... later.

Pop quiz. How many times has Dave Ramsey said that you need to spend more time doing a budget than you do finding out who gets thrown off the island? Answer ... a boatload, baby. The television schedule ain't gonna feed you at retirement or put your kids through school, so why do you spend so much time rotting your brain cells? Don't say because it's more fun than talking about money, because not paying attention to your debt will only make it grow.

And if that ain't enough to get you to turn off the tube, then listen to this: if you ballpark the 700 smackers it takes to maintain watching TV each month (including Tivo, cable, DVD rentals and even the opportunity cost of watching TV vs. getting a minimum wage job), then that money invested over 40 years at 12% would turn into 8.2 million ... and change. That's not even counting the dough you have to cough up to buy all that stuff in the first place.

Don't get me wrong ... I get into Turner Classic Movies or an episode of "The Office" as much as the next joe. But I keep it in check and keep an eye on my money. Better do the same, baby.

Stupid things can cause stupid problems, jack. A few red lights make you late for work. Not doing the budget makes you bounce some checks. A tooth buried above your left eye gives you hand-grenade headaches.

Go ahead and do your double-take, baby ... you read that last one right. Some joe in Australia was playing rugby when he slammed heads with an opponent. A few bad migraines later, his doc discovers that one of the teeth from the other guy got jammed into the forehead above his left eye. It's the tooth implant to end all.

When it comes to life's little decisions, be it about the dough or anything else, don't cause headaches for yourself by making things so complicated that it's like pulling teeth. Use common sense, bub ... it's as easy as pie.

Wonder if this one's on the Applebee's menu ... the buyout special. Seems the International House of Pancakes is plunking down 1.9 billion to buy the Bees. That's big-time. Even bigger is that they're doing it with cold, hard cash. They don't have to do any two-bit financing or any other jazz. I wonder if they'll get some free onion peels with that.

When you have cash, you can do stuff. You can get deals and discounts. Using credit or getting car loans is for suckers, see? On top of that, you make better business decisions when you ain't leveraged to the hilt. If you have the cash, you can pick and choose what you want and not get desperate when tough times hit. Debt is a pair of cement shoes, but cash is the lifeboat, baby. Sink with one and swim with the other.

Ever have a moment that you'd like to forget? Like sticking your foot in your mouth, or a bad date ... or sticking your foot in your mouth on a bad date? Well, good news. The lab boys now say you can suppress memories that bug you, baby. And I'm not just talking about the little stuff, either ... car wrecks, phobias, being scared ... as far as bad thoughts go, the whole nine can be deep-sixed.

I wish I could forget the pain of when I went broke; it's still embarrassing and cuts me like a knife. I'll tell you this, though ... the truly tough joes and jills are the ones who move on ... they take those bad memories and use them to make good.

Take a look at Dave Ramsey. He went from bankruptcy to big-time bucks instead of throwing a pity party the rest of his life. It's all right to fall off the horse, but only dirt falls off the horse and stays there. Get back on board, baby. You've got too many good things going on in life to let something like money whip you. Don't get kicked around because you may have been dumb with the dough a long time ago. Start kicking back and get in control.

When someone tells you that you don't have a chance at something, get mad. Then get going. Know what I'm getting at? If you don't, then ask the producers of the Cops TV show. A couple of decades ago, these guys came to the small-screen bigwigs pitching a show that follows the boys in blue as they ride around town. The studio passed on it, but that wasn't the final word for these bad boys ... they're back for a 20th season this year.

Not many joes and jills will give you a chance when you say you're gonna start your total money makeover. They'll laugh when you talk about crazy jazz like living on less than you make. Well, see who's laughing in a few years when you're out of debt. See how many yucks the broke people are having when you have piles of dough, a money plan and just about zero stress. So whatcha gonna do? Get started and get there.

The lab boys just released some info that says kids who have a stressful home life and an all-over-the-place nervous system are more likely to develop behavior problems. It's one of those "well, duh" moments, but I'll let it slide. All the more reason to get on a budget and have some stress reduction, if you ask me.

In any case, when a kid sees his parents respond to stress by spending money, it causes him to do the same thing. Too many times, people blow off steam by blowing a lot of dough. And when kids see parents do it, they grow into adults who do the same thing, see?

If money problems have got you pulled tighter than a cheap watch on a fat man's wrist, then you know it affects more than just you. It spills over to your family, your job ... heck, even your dog will give you an extra lick to help you feel better. Life's too short for that jazz. Get started on one of these Total Money Makeovers, and your stress level will drop like a boat anchor. Put that one in your pipe, baby.

Don't you love it when the newsboys break something that you already knew? It happened to yours truly yesterday, when I read the report that people nowadays are blowing too much dough on stuff like bottled water. If people can make due with the jazz that's already there (like tap water through a filter) or shutting out the lights and TV when they ain't using them, they'll save some serious cash.

You'd be blown away if you found out how much moolah you were spending on the little things each day. It adds up quicker than you think. What if you looked at how you did things and realized you could knock $200 off the budget? That would work wonders on your debt snowball. It's fun to do the detective work and find ways to do some trimming. Take some time tonight and look at it. Find one or two things and you'll get it started. That'll lead to finding some more stuff. Get a-goin', baby.

I like a funny picture of a cat and dog as much as the next guy, but this one was funny in a different way. Seems a little kitty in Texas named Tahoe was found under the hood of an SUV trying to keep warm. So the SUV owner brings her home, a few days go by, and her dog Lillie started nursing Tahoe, see? Now they're closer than some human couples I've seen, which is both cute as a button and a cryin' shame.

Since the curtain rose on this crazy world, cats and dogs have been fighting like ... well, cats and dogs. They're hard-wired for it. But if Lillie can put all that aside and play the doc role to Tahoe, then humans can follow suit. If you're married, then fighting about money won't get you anywhere. When you start saving money and being responsible; when you work together and all your snarling is replaced with smiling ... it's too good to pass up. There are lots of things to be angry at, so don't let your spouse be one of them. Find the problem and work on it.

It's the all-star break, the Cubbies are battling for the NL Central ... what could be better? How about a nice discussion on who should get the baseball all-star awards? Big-time names will get tossed around, like Vladimir Guerrerro, Prince Fielder, Dan Haren ... the whole shebang.

It may be halfway home, but you shouldn't do anything halfway, baby. A-Rod may be the frontrunner for the AL MVP, but if he stinks it up in the second half of the season, the crowds will boo him off the field. When you get started on your Baby Steps, don't just pay off debt and be done with it. Take that good thing and make it great. Get that emergency fund in place, do the investing and deep-six the house debt. Now THAT'S an all-star move.

First, some lady named Butts gets canned for stealing toilet paper, and now this. James Coldwell (aka Moron and a Half) turns into a robber and hits a bank in New Hampshire on Saturday. For his disguise, he dressed as ... a tree. You read that right. Time to go into corny mode for a second - Can you be-leaf this guy? Robbing the branch of a local bank? We need to root out people like this. - There ... all better.

Stay on the up-and-up, and you'll never go down, jack. If he gets away with this theft and never gets caught, he nets what ... a few grand? You can get that in a few months from throwing pizzas, and the coppers won't be busting down your door afterwards. Stay smart, baby. Work hard and budget your dough instead of going for the get-rich-quick schemes. It works every time.

It may not be stupid tax, but it's just a step down, baby. The Microsoft bigwigs have announced that they're gonna spend a billion smackers on Xbox repairs since the Xbox 360s are having problems. They won't spill the beans on what the deal is, but that's neither here nor there when it comes to the dough. They made a mistake, and now that the cat's out of the bag, they're paying for it in more ways than one.

When you find out that you're making mistakes, the best and quickest way to minimize the damage is to fix it right then. If you're taking a road trip and miss an exit, the smart thing to do is get off at the next one and turn around, not drive around like a moron for a few hundred miles. If you're spending money on debt and interest instead of investing it, then get on a budget, deep-six your bills and start your debt-free living right now. Don't wait ... do it.

No defects on this blog, jack ... so add it to yours.

Trans fat ... take a hike. At least that's what the Burger King menu's gonna say pretty soon. BK says they're giving the axe to the fats by the end of '08 and will stop using trans fat to make its French fries and chicken.

This is the only time where you can say someone else is losing the fat for you. Any other time, you've gotta be willing to do the diet. Whether you want to make the figures in your mirror or your bank checking account look better, you've gotta have the discipline to make it happen. Don't go for some two-bit debt consolidation plan or get a home equity loan to solve your debt problems. If you don't change the spending, you'll end up right back in the muck.

This blog is king ... add it to yours, baby!

The reason Dave Ramsey says to live below your means is because you never know when you'll go from eating lobster to lima beans. Need proof? Then here's the pudding. Some 10-year-old girl in Nepal was being called a living goddess ... until she got stripped of the title for traveling overseas to promote some film. Think about that; it just took that one little mistake to start her fall from grace. The same thing can happen to you if you're not careful, baby.

Most people might think of a fall from (money) grace as going from a nice car to a clunker, or getting your digs foreclosed on. When you make the mistake of going into credit card debt, or getting a car loan, or taking out a Texas-sized mortgage, you bump up the chances of it happening. So don't go there. If you buy stuff you can't afford to keep up with the Joneses (who are broke), then it'll cost you big-time, see? Stay away and stay out of trouble.

From a wee girl to a wee guy ... now it's Gary Coleman's turn to take the plunge from stardom. What am I talkin' about? Listen up, Willis. I was watching late-night basic cable and came across this cheap payday loan gem. Imagine ... at one point this guy was pulling down 70 thousand per episode (and jostling with his parents over it), and now he's pitching for a payday loan service ... one that charges 99.25%

If GC could have held on to even a fraction of the 18 million that he earned during his time in Tinsel Town, he could retire with dignity and not have to resort to a 15-second spot advertising for the scum of the scum. Will the same thing happen to you? Not if you're smart, jack. Get out of debt and start the investing. After a while, you can rest easy.

Let's talk hauntings ... or places that make you think about 'em. Seems an heir of the guy who inspired Dracula has put the family digs up for sale. He was originally asking for a cool 80 million ... not bad for the Dracula castle. They haven't had any takers yet, but for my money, I wouldn't want to own a spook house. It may be fun for a Halloween party, but not a great place to get your mail.

Anything from your past haunting you, jack? Like some bad credit card debt from your college days that's sucking you dry, or a student loan that's been around so long that you've set a place at the table for it? Think about what you used that debt to get ... could be a degree or a daiquiri. Does it make your life better today? Odds are, it doesn't. That steak dinner you bought 5 years ago on the credit card isn't still in your belly, so quit paying for it at 18 percent, see? Deep-six your bills and start living right. And Happy Independence Day.

Hot off the presses of "The Obvious Times" is this ... couples are saying that one of the keys to making marriage work is chipping in with chores, and working together. It's great to hear that joes and jills have their priorities in line like that, but it doesn't take a mountain of research and surveys to know that you need to get on the same page to make a marriage click.

If you get married and ain't ready to work together, you're not tying the knot ... it's more like the noose. When you both agree on how to spend and save money, and make a budget, and pay off debt, and all that other good stuff, then you're ready to knock the marriage ball out of the park. Make it happen, jack.

Some people end up broken ... others just end up broke. At least that's the deal for a bunch of former NFL players. They're presenting their cases to the stiffsuits in Washington right now in the hopes of getting a bigger piece of the football pie that they helped to bake. Don't know if you joes and jills know this, but 20-some-odd years ago, the pay scale for players wasn't nearly what it is now. Some guys saved dough, some didn't. These boys laid the foundation and worked hard, and now they're having trouble getting their former bosses to help them out.

It just goes to show that there's only one person in this crazy world that you can rely on to take care of your retirement ... you. When you hire you to put some gold in your golden years, you can have it made in the shade. You put as much in as you want, and you won't give you the shaft when it comes time to collect. Just something to think about ... and then do.