Ladies and germs; the new low has been reached. Some bank in South Korea is rolling out a new credit card that will give clergymen breaks and bonus points on Bible purchases. You heard that right ... bonus points for the Good Book. Who knows ... maybe you'll save your Seoul in the process. I couldn't tell whether I wanted to laugh or cry when I read that.

Even if you're working for The Man Upstairs, this still isn't a deal. You never met a millionaire who said he made all his dough ... or salvation ... with the bonus points on his credit card account. I don't care what crazy deals you hear about; don't use debt to get ahead, because that'll only get you more behind, see? Bottom line; don't fall for ANY credit traps.

First the Miss USA grandmother who pops a cap, and now this. Some 72-year-old ex-Marine gets hit by a pickpocket, and rather than just fork over the dough, Mr. Good Man fixes a nice, big knuckle sandwich for the dishonest yahoo. I tell ya ... when they talk about the US Marine Corps being the elite, they ain't kidding, jack. Name me another geriatric who could sock a crook in the kisser and live to tell about it.

Debt happens the same way, see? You get money taken from you (those high interest rates) and pretty soon you feel old and withered, like you can't fight back. I say ... bull. Get mad that people are ripping you off left and right when you use debt. Get so ticked off about you're being pushed around that you want to pay off debt and start pushing back. Simple, simon.

It's the age-old story. Man falls asleep. Man wakes up. Man has a huge headache and asks to be taken to the ER. Doctor discovers small-caliber bullet lodged behind man's right ear. Woman admits to accidentally shooting man in his sleep and is booked on a weapons violation charge. Does it get any more cliche than that?

Every dollar of debt you get is like a gunshot to the back of the head. But here's the deal ... don't wait until it's causing you a big-time headache to get rid of it. Or you'll wake up one day and find out that it's taken your life. Stay smart, simon. Make that budget, get out of debt, and rest easy at night. And keep your guns in a safe place. Got that?

Most kids in their early 20s are more into Starbucks than they are reaching for the stars. Don't tell that to Barrington Irving. He just became the youngest hotshot to fly solo around the world. I love his reason ... he wants to inspire inner-city kids to aim high. Now THAT'S a guy who deserves to go into the record books, baby.

If a 23-year-old kid can travel around the world on his lonesome and defy the odds, then I don't want to hear that you can't live on a budget or that it'd be too tough to pay off that $7,000 credit card debt. You just gotta decide that you've had enough of being broke. Don't do it for your buddies, because they'll make fun of you for having dough. Do it for you, kid.

Let's learn a lesson from the wonderful world of baseball, shall we? Check out my Chicago Cubs. At the top of the 9th yesterday, they're leading 8-3 over the Rockies. Next thing you know, they let their guard down and blow a 5-run lead. So what do they do, in typical Cubbies fashion? They dig deep, play the role of comeback kid and win the game with two outs in the bottom of the 9th. OK, maybe they don't always come back, but it punches the point home.

No matter how far ahead you are in the game, things can turn sour. Never let up and always finish. Don't pay off a few debts and then go on autopilot ... keep the intensity to get debt-free. Don't think your money will make itself ... you gotta make the dough and spend it wisely, baby.

His name is Dave Ramsey, he loves what he does, he's been doing it for 15 years and he's on the road all the time. Sound familiar? Well, here's the funny part, baby ... I'm talking about a whole different Dave. This Dave Ramsey is a 58-year-old truck driver who first got behind the wheel when Clinton took office, and he's been at it ever since. Enjoys it, helps people when he's out there, and say he loves the freedom.

When you find what you dig, it opens all sorts of doors. You're happier, it makes the home life better, and you tend to start winning with the dough. Sure, it helps if you make a budget and pay off debt, too. But the bottom line is ... if you hate the work, change it. I'd take a $40,000 job that I love over a six-figure one that I hate any day of the week. The job you want is out there, jack ... get after it.

I've never had as much fun with cash as I do when I give it away. Could be to a sweet charity or a single mom with 3 kids down the street. So imagine the smile on my kisser when I read the news that Americans had given $295 billion to charity in '06. That's a big-time number, baby ... and if people live the right way (aka debt-free), it'll skyrocket.

If you're out of debt and makin' dough, you can give huge and feel huger. Why would you want to send 500 smackers to the bank for some stupid car payment when you can give to a food bank and feed some kids for a month or two? I say it's better to have a light wallet than a heavy heart, so give money away and help some hurting people. Do some good in this crazy world, baby.

It used to be cigarettes and booze, but things have moved into the 21st century. Video game addiction is the new vice, and the lab boys are saying it ain't pretty. Playing too much turns kids into such mindless zombies that they'd get kicked off the set of Night of the Living Dead for being overqualified. If you play VGs to blow off steam, keep yourself and don't be a sucker. Don't play so much that you lose friends, a job or a dame over it.

Everybody's got a vice, baby. It could be spending too much and getting yourself into credit card debt. It could be that you don't save enough dough, so you're speeding toward retirement living and the brakes are out. Whatever bad habit you have ... don't let it have you. Don't let some something stupid be your downfall. Your life is worth more than that. Get on a plan and keep things under control. You'll thank me later.

Lab boys ain't just looking at video game addiction, baby. They're checking out something that I have a personal beef with ... Parkinson's disease. My grandfather had it, and it was tough to see him struggle. He moved on in 2005, so his problems are over. Now, some new type of treatment for it is showing some serious promise.

No matter how dark things get, there's light at the end of the tunnel. The harder you work, the sooner you'll see some breaks and breakthroughs. It's the same as when you pay off debt. It causes pain in just about all aspects of life, but don't give up. Get on a budget and start working the baby steps. Show your money troubles who's boss. In the meantime, have a good weekend ... I'm out.

I was in heaven last night, baby. I sat down with some popcorn, turned on the tube and watched the AFI Top 100 Movies show. It's a who's who of the classics ... Casablanca, Saving Private Ryan, The Godfather, Gone with the Wind ... and that's just in the Top 10. But as I sat and watched, I noticed. Most of these movies may be older, but check out the budgets. The top three spots combined cost less than 7.7 million.

Doesn't that knock your socks off? Nowadays you pay 200 million smackers and get a bunch of trucks blowing up.

It doesn't take a lot of dough to do a lot of good. I've seen joes and jills knock down 200 grand a year and were neck-deep in debt. I've seen people make 20,000 and have money in their checking account, saved for retirement, emergencies ... the whole shebang, baby. It's not about making tons of dough ... it's about making good with what you got. So do good.

Ever hear the phrase 'don't beat a dead horse'? Well, that's what joes and jills all over the country are doing a week and a half after the end of the season 7 Sopranos. Questions about the final episode are popping up like Whack-a-Mole, baby. Did Tony get bumped off? Will there be a movie? To those yahoos, I say ... move on.

There comes a time when you need to give up what's in the past and focus on the future, see? Doesn't matter how much you yap about it; it ain't gonna change what's already happened. Same thing about saving money. Don't gripe about how if you'd started sooner, you'd be better off. Start now, and start fast. Start making a budget and deep-sixing consumer debt. The longer you keep things stuck in neutral, the worse you'll end up. So don't end up that way.

Living in the red costs a lot of green, baby. What am I talking about, you may ask? Have a seat and I'll explain. Seems Moscow, Russia tops the list of the priciest cities in this crazy world to live in. How much more? About 35% more than New York. And speaking of the Big Apple, it checked in at No. 15 on the list. In fact, there were only two cities in North America to make the top 50. L.A. was 42nd.

What do I think when I read that jazz? I think that if you live in the richest country on this mudball that we call Earth, and people making less in more expensive countries still make it work, then you can too. It ain't just about having a big income either, jack. If you have a bunch of bills, you need to get rid of 'em. If you've got a car with a huge car payment, then sell it and be free. Get on a budget and pay off debt. Simple, simon.

Here's a good Letterman list. Top 10 ways to make sure you won't graduate high school. No. 1 - get a couple of your friends to steal your report card because you think you're going to flunk. Think I'm kidding? Some 16-year-old German high schooler was so worried that he'd have to repeat a year of school because of bad grades convinced two buddies to steal his report card. He thought that would fix it.

Here's the lesson to learn: you can't fix yesterday, but you can keep from breaking tomorrow. This guy had to learn that the hard way. As for you, you can't go back 20 years and save up a big retirement account. But you can start saving money now. You can't un-pay 15 thousand bucks in bad credit card debt. But you can pay it off and stop using plastic. Start now and make things better, baby.

Pop quiz, hotshot. What is 111 years old, drinks a glass of milk every day and just got his name in the Guinness Book of World Records? It's Japan's own Tomoji Tanabe, the second oldest person in the world. Some Japanese dame holds the top spot, but anyone who can make it into the triple digits has gotta be doing something right.

It would be a trip to live that long. It might take more than just an apple a day, but it can be done. But it brings up something else. You don't know how long you're gonna be in this crazy world, so start planning your retirement income like you're gonna have 40 or 50 years left in your battery when you retire.

Making a budget helps. Deep-sixing your consumer debt goes a long way. Save a lot, live on some, and don't spend what you don't have, baby. Do that, and you can live as long as Methuselah without a care in the world.

I laughed like a ticklish hyena on goofy gas when I read this one. Seems the rules to limit credit card fraud are being enforced at the gas pump. The plastic companies are putting caps on how much some people can put into their tanks. They say it's to prevent crooks from running fraudulent transactions, and that's all well and good. But the whole idea that MasterCard, Visa and the others pitch is that credit cards make your life easier, see? Doesn't sound like it's happening here, jack.

Bottom line ... use cash. When you do, you decide how much dough gets spent, not some plastic pushers. Plus, it keeps your spending in check. It hurts to spend cash, so you spend less. Using a credit card puts you into debt, and nobody wants to be there. So stay away from stupid and stay out of debt.

Ever had something bad lead to somethin' good? Like a speeding ticket that makes you drive slower. Well, here it is ... Hollywood-style. Paris Hilton says having to go back to jail for violating her DUI arrest probation was a message from God to get herself on the straight and narrow. Now, she may be serious, but until I see it, I ain't buyin', baby. I'm all about having a wake-up call from The Big Guy, but she's gonna have to produce the goods to convince me that a case of "finding God" has happened here.

Sometimes, bad things have to happen to get you to see the light, jack. It could be 45 days in the pen or 45 thousand in bad credit card debt. But if it gets some joe or jill to wake up from that dream world they live in, then I say good deal. Here's the key ... don't wait for something bad to happen. You don't need to get smacked in the face with debt to know that you should start saving money. So don't wait for good luck to happen ... make it happen.

Giving up never helped anyone get what they want, see? When you get knocked down, don't be a sucker and stay there ... get up and try again. Think it can only be done so much? Think again. Indian farmer Shiv Charan Yadav wanted to get an education, so in 1969, he started taking his high school exams. Said he wouldn't tie the knot with some dame until he passed.

Here's the kicker ... he's come up short every year since then. Here's the double kicker with a cherry on top ... he goes back and gives it another go each and every time, baby. Now THAT'S dedication.

So I don't want to hear any whining from any of you about how it's too hard to pay off debt. About how you can't live your life with out a zero apr credit card. Grow a life, jack. If this guy can keep going long enough to put the Energizer bunny to shame, you can spend a few years saving money. Get to it.

So, Brady Quinn's having a tough time getting used to playing for the Cleveland Browns. The No. 22 pick in the NFL draft is learning the offense, getting used to the speed of the game, calling the right signals ... the whole nine yards. He'll be all right after some time, but it brings up a point.

When you're new to something, you may have to fight through it just to get your ducks in a row, baby. It's the same deal with a total money makeover. Selling that car (and deep-sixing the car loan that goes with it) can be a tough pill to swallow, but it's worth it. Cutting up those low-rate credit cards may put a knot in your stomach, but so what?

Once you've been rolling along for a few weeks and you're in the swing of things, then living without debt will be old hat for you. Fight through the rough stuff, and you'll be smooth sailing soon.

The first thing that most joes and jills think of when they think of tons of dough is ... tons of stuff. Mercedes-Benz? Go for it. A 90-foot yacht? You betcha. But one guy in Canada says the first thing he wants after winning 35 million bucks in the lottery is ... a chess board. And I say, more power to him. At least he's not going cash crazy and letting the money ruin his life. He's keeping it small and humble. Good attitude to have.

Here's the bottom line, jack. Odds are you won't win the lottery ... in fact, you shouldn't even play it; it's a sucker's game, see? But when you take the time to make a budget, pay off debt and save money, you'll end up with a pretty penny in your pocket. And as long as you keep a good attitude about it, this crazy world is almost your oyster. But you can't do that as long as Sallie Mae or MasterCard is your roommate? So kick 'em out.

So, the word from the boys in Washington is that the national deficit is lower than what everyone thought it was gonna be. I had to chuckle, because they've been doing it wrong in Wash-town for about 220 years when it comes to the dough. I don't care which party is runnin' the show ... the government watches their books about as closely as a 12-year-old video game junkie watches his.

News flash, baby ... you can't spend dough like you work for Washington. You actually need to make a budget that works, see? And getting out of debt needs to be tops on your priority list. Leave the debt mess to the stiffsuits in Washington ... it doesn't need to come into your camp. Deep-six your debt, have an emergency fund ready and start investing. It's the stuff that dreams are made of.

Ok, I just had to have a little fun with this one, baby. Normally I talk about making a budget, or how you pay off debt. Today, I just need to sit down and talk about this yahoo who got busted for stealing ... toilet paper. But here's the kicker ... her name is Butts. You read that right. And now, she's staring at the rear-end of a 3-year stretch in the can. Don't know why someone would want to steal TP. Maybe she's trying to (two)-ply her trade.

Bottom line ... this dollface is going to the hole for doing something stupid. Hopefully, she'll get the chance to wipe the slate clean soon, but for now, she's in jail ... no ifs, ands or ... you fill it in. If there's a lesson here, it's that you don't make stupid decisions with money, like having bad credit card debt. Because if you keep that around too long, it'll take a lot more than 3 years from you.

It's 4 days until D-day for a buddy of mine who's about to tie the noose ... I mean, knot. He's all ready to be part of a married couple, which is more than I can say for a bunch of joes and jills that I've met in my life. I've seen some couples who have about as much chemistry as a physics class. I'm not worried about him and his dame, though ... they're a good match and they're good about saving money.

If you're getting hitched, you need to be the same thing, bub. Just like Dave Ramsey always talks about on his show, the top reason people get divorced in the U.S.A today is money fights and money problems. So if the dough is causing you problems, sit down with your other half and talk about it. Make a budget plan and stick with it. Debt is probably causing you stress, so ditch it with the debt snowball. Work as a team and you'll get ahead, see?

It's just as important to finish strong as it is to start that way, jack. Need proof? Then help yourself to this pudding. Tim Duncan and the San Antonio Spurs are up 2 games to zip on the Cleveland Cavaliers in the NBA Finals. Good spot to be in, but the season ain't done ... not until they take 4 out of 7.

What if they quit now? What if the Spurs told themselves they did good enough so far and didn't show up for another game? They'd go from being champs to chumps in nothing flat. You have to finish ... it's that simple. So when you start your Baby Steps and work to pay off debt, it's not good enough to pay off most of it. It's not good enough to save just a little money. Go all out and don't look back. When you start it, finish it.

Anyone else think Paris Hilton acts like a dumb blonde? Well, I guess ol' PH is now balanced and has got a clue. She says she's dropping the whole blond blank routine. I'll believe it when I see it. This dame may be spending 45 days in the cooler, but I've seen joes and jills take it right on the chin and still not learn their lesson. Everyone may be stupid from time to time, but that doesn't mean you gotta stay that way, baby.

Are you acting stupid with the dough? You know, like keeping bad credit card debt or walking around without a budget. Then maybe it's time to wake up and straighten up. Stupid never brought anybody anything but trouble. Keep it simple with the cash, save money when you can and get a plan going to deep-six your debt and save for retirement. It's the stuff that dreams are made of.

I'm guessing Billy Donovan had an omelet for breakfast this morning, what with all that egg on his face. The Florida Gator basketball coach turned Orlando Magic basketball coach turned back to Florida basketball coach may have to kiss and make up with some of his players now that he's back in Gainesville. He's changed his address more times than a federal witness who got his cover blown, baby.

I'll give BD this ... he took responsibility for it. The day after signing the Magic contract, he woke up and had a bad feeling, see? Guess you could call it "coaches' remorse". Ever heard of it? Maybe not, but I'm sure you've heard of "buyer's remorse", that feeling you get when you make some big-time purchase, then wake up the next day with butterflies in your belly.

Make sure to think it through when you make a big buy. First off, don't go into debt to do it. Always do the save money routine. If you've tied the knot with some bub or dame, talk to 'em about it. Like them apples, jack?

Gotta admit ... I'm looking forward to catching this movie tonight. The first flick was slick, the second was confusing, but Ocean's Thirteen is gonna be a big hit, I say. When you get the big stars, the setting, the budget and all that other jazz into place, and it all works together ... it's a home run.

Get a clue from that, jack ... get on the same page with your team members (aka that bub or dame you sleep next to). When you get that budget done ... when you have a money plan ... when you know what the other one is thinking about raising kids, investing and deep-sixing debt; it's like gold, baby.

Who can get enough of the Pac-Man arcade game? I sure-as-Betty can't. Sure, it's old-school, but it's classic. Before there was Madden or 007, there was Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde. So now, the word is out that PM is making a run on the Xbox 360. I get a kick out of updating the good stuff from yesteryear, but not when it comes to money.

Give me grandma's way of handling the dough ... spend less than you make, have a budget, invest money, have an emergency fund ... the whole nine, baby. It seems like every day, banks and credit card companies come up with some new way to stick it to you and me, saying that we "need" their plastic. Keep them out of your life and keep it simple ... it'll pay off, big-time.

Get a load of this diamond princess. 13-year-old Nicole Ruhter is walking along in the Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas, see? She sees something on the ground, strolls on over to pick it up ... turns out it's a 2.93 carat rock that's probably worth a good bit of dough.

It's sort of like an Ed McMahon moment, jack. Can you think of another time that this dame is gonna just walk right up to something worth a few grand? Probably ain't gonna happen. So don't read the story and get inspired, thinking that winning the lotto or some jazz like that is just around the corner for you. If you wanna get rich, try learning how to invest money. Take a shot at paying off debt. Don't do the dumb luck routine; go the smart money route and live on less than you make. Works every time, baby.

Today's the last day, jack. TV legend Bob Barker is calling it quits after 50 years in show biz. I tell ya ... The Price is Right game show will never be the same. BB's been doing it longer, better and more consistently than most other joes and jills on the entertainment circuit. He goes out and commits himself every day, and look what he has to show for it. Tons of fans, tons more of dough, and knowing that he got the job done, baby.

Do your thing the same way. If you learn how to invest money in a good mutual fund and do it for the long haul, it's a surefire way to wind up with valuable cash and prizes. If you want to be president of the company, work hard, work long and work good. It always pays off ... always.

When the average joe thinks of pirates, he thinks of a certain captain in a certain flick playing at a theater near you. What he may not know is that pirated stuff is for real ... counterfeit goods were priced at 200 billion smackers worldwide in 2005. Just goes to show ... you need to keep a close eye on the people you do business with, baby.

Know what you're getting into. Look for good deals where you can get a bargain and use cash, but make sure to do business with places that are on the up-and-up. Know when to look for scams, like those midnight cable TV real estate commercials or envelope stuffing for the stay-at-home-mom. Those things work about as well as a 25-year-old kid lounging on his parents' sofa. And as long as we're talking about things to stay away from, don't go within 50 miles of a payday loan company. Stay honest and stay out of trouble.

Time moves pretty fast ... especially for this bub. Polish railway worker Jan Grzewski woke up a couple of months ago from a 19-year coma. When he went under in 1988, commies ruled Poland and Rain Man ruled the box office. Now, in the blink of an eye (to him at least), things are a little different.

It goes without saying, jack, that you'll wake up one day and life will have passed you by. So before that happens, get started on a plan so you can still enjoy life when that day comes. Once you get on a budget and work your way through the Baby Steps like Dave Ramsey talks about, you start mutual fund investing. Do it early and often, let it build for a few decades or so, and when you're ready to call it quits on the career, you'll have a big stash of dough waiting for you. Make it happen.

Anybody see the dugout brawl this weekend between the Chicago Cubs and the ... Chicago Cubs? How about Lou Piniella sweeping sand onto the ump's shoes? Add in a six-game losing streak and you can see why it was an ugly baseball picture in Chi-town this weekend, baby. So what do my Cubbies do? They pull together, gut it out and cap the Atlanta Braves on Sunday. As soon as the fighting stops, the winning starts.

Coincidence? Don't bet on it, bub. Dave Ramsey says when you work together, you win. So if you and your spouse are on the outs, get back in and get out of debt. Sit down and talk through your troubles with your bub or dame, see? Do that, and things get better right there. Make out a budget and spit-shake on it. Remember, you're in this thing together.

When I was a kid, I'd go to my grandparents' house in Columbus, Ohio. They'd always have the candy and smiles waiting for me. Nowadays, Nanna and Gramps might be so maxed out on zero apr credit cards and debt that they can't buy any bubble gum or chocolate for the little tykes. Don't believe me? Then check these big money numbers. The number of seniors who filed bankruptcy jumped 213% between 1992 and 2001. A third of retirees say their debt is a problem. Household debt for joes and jills age 75 and older is more than 20 grand.

Still thinking about not getting a plan for retirement living? Wake up and smell the Metamucil, bub. If you start now and save a lot of dough, your golden years will actually have some gold in them. Don't, and you'll be eating Alpo and missing out on the chance to have some fun, like Dave Ramsey talks about. Don't be a sucker ... start your Baby Steps and get the debt job done, jack.

Remember the last time you dropped 412,000 smackers on a set of wheels? I sure-as-Betty don't. But when Rolls-Royce rolls out their Drophead Coupe in a few months, some poor (or rich) joe is gonna throw down some serious dough ... and even then, there's a 2-year waiting list for this particular Rolls-Royce car.

Sarcasm switch ... ON. I can just hear Dave Ramsey now, talking about how a new car loses 60 percent of its value over the first four years. That would mean in 2011, this boiler would only be worth about 164k. So if you take out a car loan over 6 years at 7 percent, the monthly payments would only be about 7 grand. A steal, if you can get it. Sarcasm switch ... OFF!

It's too much. Even though car loans this size probably don't exist, Some yahoo out there is gonna go for it. See where this one is going? You should, jack ... from about a mile away. Don't buy more car than you can afford. And definitely don't do the car payment routine. Save up, pay up and shut up.

Here's a top 10 list you don't wanna be on ... Robert Alan Soloway, some yahoo in Seattle who is one of the top 10 email spammers in this crazy world, was finally arrested and is headed for trial. This bozo sent out billions of spam emails, clogging up mailboxes everywhere, and now he's got 35 counts of fraud, ID theft and money laundering against him. Dave Ramsey would upchuck over this one.

This just goes to show that you need to look out for you and your own, baby. There are two-bit crooks all over the place after you and your dough. Saving money ain't just about making a budget and starting to pay off debt. It's also about making sure that the wanna-be wiseguys out there never get to put their filthy mitts on your stuff, see? So take those zero APR credit card offers and shred 'em. Take those spam emails and delete 'em. Tell the bad guys to take a hike.