Moron, meet the clink. I'm serious, jack ... this yahoo's brain should be on the side of a milk carton with a sign that says "Have you seen me?" Here's the deal: Alexander Smith walks into a bank, see? Wants to open an account. The teller asks for his opening deposit, and he forks over a $1 million bill.

Nothing like fake money to start your day. To top it off, Smith started getting foul-mouthed with the teller when she wouldn't play ball with the bill. Next thing you know, he's staring down a disorderly conduct charge and two counts of forgery.

Bear in mind, ladies and germs; what this guy did is only about one step down on the stupid scale from credit card debt or not making a personal budget. Deep-six your debt and you'll have that million bucks soon enough ... and you won't have to go to the cooler over it, either.