I'm lookin' forward to the weekend, baby. Not because I get to cop some extra Zs or that there's a great Jimmy Stewart flick playing on the tube. I'm flashin' a smile because I'm heading to a surprise party for a couple of friends of mine. They're celebrating 5 years of tying the knot. Whenever I'm shootin' the breeze with the dame's hubby, he can't zip his lip about her. Even in these "down" times, things are looking up for them.

Wanna know why? Because they listen to each other. They work together. They give before getting, see? They ain't sitting at home complaining about a bunch of bills because they don't have any. His career's on the upswing while she gets to stay at home with the kid. They can do that because they 86'd their debt and know when to say "no".

To the rest of this crazy world. To them, it's a bunch of noise that goes away as soon as they flick off the TV. If things ain't smooth sailing with you and your other, now's the time to calm things down. Sit down, talk it out, work it out, write it out and start working together. You won't believe the difference, bub.

OK, Sunshine State ... things ain't lookin' so stormy now. You can breathe. Mr. Governator himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is about to sign the balanced state budget and get things chugging again on the West Coast. Sure, the government's about as able to stick to the budget as a greased earthworm on a newly-waxed floor, but at least they tried.

I remember the bad ol' days when I was going broke, baby ... before I started making my own budget. Too much month left at the end of the dough. I felt like I'd been given a raw deal. Creditors and predators chasing after me. One time, I even had to go commando for a few days when my washing machine broke. I tell you, I thought I was at the end of days and I was running, man.

But just sticking to the numbers got me through. When you know how to spend the cash, and follow it, it's like a flashlight when the power goes out. It shows you exactly what to do. Get with it, jack.

Smell those roses? Taste that chocolate? That's right, baby ... Valentine's Day is here again. And seeing as how they're free, you don't get any more bang for the buck than with some Dave Ramsey pickup lines. Use 'em with caution, jack.

You look familiar ... didn't I deliver a pizza to you last week?

You're so hot you could melt my debt snowball.

Good thing I have identity theft insurance, because you stole my heart!

Call me your mutual fund, honey ... 'cause with you, I'm showing interest.

Are you unpaid credit card debt? Because you have got FINE written all over you!

If you turn me down, my life will look like a country song.

Broken heart? Well, there's a great place to go when your heart is broke ... out with me.

When I saw you, my jaw dropped like the value of a new car.

You should be my retirement plan ... you'd put the "OK" in my 401k.

You look so good, I could sell you on eBay!

I just about pasted the floor with my jaw this morning, jack. Hundreds of billions of bailout bucks are being dished out by the feds with this new stimulus package, and everybody wants a piece of the action. Well, almost everyone.

Check this out, baby ... a bunch of the local banks that applied for bailout money are putting crime scene tape around the dough and staying away. Why, you ask? Because there are more strings attached to it than a puppet show with kites. The DC stiffsuits are going to own those banks and then some. We're talking about owning stock, cutting shareholder dividends, the works.

You know something's up when even the banks are backing away from Big Brother. To them, this deal is as sweet as sucking a lemon. If these banks can solve their problems without looking for help from a leech, so can you. Get on a budget, deep-six that debt and watch the suckers on TV deal with all the trouble. Because by then, you'll be smooth sailing.

Off with a bang, baby. 2009 is polished up, on the showroom floor and ready for a test drive. I was making up my resolutions for this year last night, and something didn't feel right. Couldn't put my finger on it. Then out of nowhere, it hit me like a pistol whip from my buddy's uncle Vinny. The real winners make GOALS, not resolutions.

Resolutions fizzle out like a car that runs out of gas. As soon as we get through January and close to Valentine's Day, a New Year's resolution is left in the dust. That ain't gonna be me, jack. When DT sets a goal, it's set in stone and gets done.

Try this in '09 ... figure out the GOAL you want to hit by year's end. Don't just commit to lose the pesky 20 pounds or get out of debt. Do that stuff and more. Read some books, spend more time with the partner and kids, give more dough and what not. Then break it down by months, and then weeks, then days. Figure out what you need to do TODAY. Anybody can fight the battles of one day, no matter where the fight is. Make 2009 count. Til Monday, I'm out.

The odds tell me Harry Kakavas wouldn't be suing if he had taken the house. As it is, Mr. Hole-In-The-Pockets here is fitting one of the biggest casinos in Australia for a lawsuit because he thinks the bigwigs there knew he was a gambing junkie and still targeted him to come and do business at their carpet joint.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say this joe has a gambling addiction that could put every Vegas crap shooter in the cellar. What makes me say that? The fact that he plunked down and lost about 24 million in cold, hard, U.S. cash over 14 months. I guess this guy put the "under" in Down Under.

Turns out that Kakavas had been banned from every joint on the continent. I didn't hear about him trying to get help with this "issue" of his, either. He's trying to blame someone else for the hole he's in. That's why this story of his is in the "Odd News" section. He's a laughing stock, baby. That's what happens when you point the finger anywhere but the mirror. If you're in the soup, do you think you have what it takes to get yourself out? Then quit wasting time and get a move on. A better life's waiting on you.

Somebody needs to buy this bo a beer, baby. But even then, he probably wouldn't chug it, because he's now a United States Marine. Check this. Ulysses Milana wanted to become one of the few and the proud. But when a few good men took a look at him, they told him that he needed to drop a Backstreet Boy off his 330-pound frame before he could suit up.

He could've gone home, fired up the TV and watched some American Idol reruns. He could have gone to the store and stocked up on chips and salsa. But you know what he did? He got on a diet, started exercising, cut out the brews and burgers, and bada-bing, bada boom ... he's in shape and ready to serve his country after bumping off 140 pounds. And he doesn't need to be thanking NutriSystem or anybody else. Just himself and The Man Upstairs.

Not getting your act together? Shut up and do it. You got no excuse.